The Anonymous Alcoholics Were Behind The Sensational Scottish Referendum Results!

scottish refrendum results

Glasgow/Edinburgh. While many Scots have been busy spending their weekends with bottles of their favorite scotch, mulling as to why they lost the referendum and a chance to rid themselves of the English, TNN has successfully investigated the facts behind the loss ‘Yes’ suffered against ‘No’. Believe it or not, the only reason why Scotland is still part of England is a group of boozers, popularly known as Anonymous Alcoholics or AA for short.

During the coverage of the Scottish referendum our correspondent, who is quite a hit with the AA, met a number of AA members in Glasgow and while hanging out with them he found out that Scottish elections had been rigged by AA members from England.

The English bewdas (drunkards) had rigged the elections, they didn’t want Scotland to be free from England. They were worried that prices of scotch would rise as it will then have to be imported from Scotland.
- Anshul Bewda, Part-time TNN correspondent & full-time Scotch drinker

There was a wide-spread fear among the English that the prices of their favorite scotch would rise once Scotland is free; hence they tried to ensure that Scots vote against the referendum. They distributed money and tried to buy votes by sending the voters to an all-expenses-paid holiday in Wales.

People were told that they will be sent on a trip where they can see whales. They were packed into vans and sent to Wales. This ensured that they didn’t return before the referendum was over.
- Jack Daniels, 12-year-old Scotch drinker

In order to ensure that they are able to influence people with cash, help was sought from the politicians in India. Politicians from India are known for their expertise in buying votes; hence they were specially flown in from India to ensure that ‘No’ wins the referendum.

We knew that something was wrong. It is a conspiracy by rulers to ensure that people don’t get freedom. Next time when the referendum takes place we will send our workers to conduct sting operations. In the meanwhile we will protest against the English rule in Scotland at Jantar Mantar.
– Surendra Tejriwal, Mango People Party

While it is yet to be established whether all of this has happened for the greater good or not, one thing can be inferred for sure that the power of alcohol (the good old scotch in this case) is not limited to causing socio-economic and health effects but can also act as a driving force which decides the fate of a nation.

Author: Anshul Srivastava

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