Physicists To Examine The Man That The Theory Of General Relativity Forgot!


CERN Headquarters, Geneva: In a shocking turn of events, a man called Neville appeared on WWE programming earlier this month claiming that the earth’s gravitational pull doesn’t apply to him. He is being widely touted in pro-wrestling circles as — the man that gravity forgot. Physicists everywhere seem perplexed because if this man’s claims are true then Albert Einstein’s geometric theory of gravitation, better known as the theory of general relativity, will be proved wrong for the very first time.

To examine these bold claims CERN has set up a special committee that will visit Vince McMahon’s WWE offices and conduct experiments on Neville.

It has been reported that since his first appearance on WWE programming this Neville chap has been observed flying around the WWE’s squared ring. Many witnesses claim that this man has the ability to defy gravity as and when he pleases. It is being said that since he made his high-flying debut on WWE programming Neville’s feet have not touched the ground.

As per Einstein’s theory of general relativity — the curvature of space-time is directly related to the energy and momentum of whatever matter and radiation are present. However, it is important to note that Neville’s momentum and energy in the ring have been unprecedented. Also, once his radiant body touches his opponents they seem to carry a lot of heat for him for the rest of their WWE tenures.

Many witnesses have spotted Neville flying around the WWE’s squared ring.

What has baffled physicists the most is the fact that Einstein’s theory of general relativity, largely considered to be one of the two most successful theories in the history of science, actually forgot to account for anomalies like Neville. That brings us to the other exceptionally successful scientific theory known as the quantum field theory.

The quantum field theory can be used to describe everything known to mankind. However, Mankind has often rebutted these claims. Mankind claims that everything he knows has been taught to him by Paul Heyman, Vince McMahon, and his pro-wrestling coaches.

It has been one of science’s greatest challenges to bring together these two extremely rigid theories, which is why a relatively new scientific endeavour known as the string theory has been doing the rounds. String theory has often claimed that the theory of general relativity will eventually break down at some stage, for example at the presumed centre of a black hole better known as singularity. Neville’s exceptional existence has given new-found hope to string theorists because for the first time a human experiment can be conducted to test the theory of general relativity.

Neville’s opponents claim he appears out of nowhere scaring the dark matter out of their black holes.
“No more simulating the black hole, or any hole for that matter, because we have finally found a subject for live experimentation.” — Boson Higgs, Astrophysicist, CERN.

We hope that in the form of Neville science has finally found its final frontier. We are constantly in touch with the CERN committee and you can be rest assured that the results of the gravity experiment on Neville will be published on TNN as soon as they are published on CNN.