Man Sentenced To Death For Using Passive Smoking As The Modus Operandi For A Smoggy Genocide!
Vatican City, Vatican: A man in his 50s was charged with 800,000 counts of murder and was sentenced to death by crucifixion after he was found guilty of what is being touted as the greatest genocide in human history.
The man was arrested earlier this month from a hotel and had 500 packs of cigarette in his possession. Apparently the man had been smoking since he was very young and has intentionally caused lung cancer to people all around him. The man was earlier in public service and his work required him to meet a lot of people on a regular basis.
It is being claimed that he used passive smoking to infiltrate the lungs of the unsuspecting people he met on a day-to-day basis. The man plead not guilty to the charges, but Vatican police said they had overwhelming evidence of his crimes.
Sometimes he would smoke from dawn to dusk and claim that he found an unexplainable pleasure in his act. He inhaled the poisonous drug and mercilessly discharged it in a gaseous form not only from his nostrils, but even from his mouth. Just thinking about the sadistic pleasure that he found in doing so gives me goosebumps.
- Officer Francis, Vatican Moral Police.
The judge who handed down the verdict in consultation with the Pope disclosed that the man felt no remorse for his sins and in fact believes that he committed no crime.
By giving myself to the beautiful world of smoking I was only attempting to kill myself so that I may attain Smoker’s Salvation that Marijuana Lord Rob Marley had promised everyone in the afterlife. If 800,000 other people died due to me passively passing the Holy Smoke onto them then instead of accusing me of a genocide these moral police folks should recommend me for the President’s medal.
- The man accused of a smoggy genocide.
Irrespective of this man’s unhealthy addiction to the poisonous drug, which is rivaled only by religious addiction, the law of the land has decided to crucify him in full public view. This will only be the second time in documented human history that a person will be publicly crucified while passers-by pelt stones at him. Unlike the first man, however, this man will have the pictures, facebook updates, and tweets to prove it.