India Celebrates As The Country’s Tolerance Index Reaches An All-time High!

Indians reacting to the results of the TSI study.

Bangalore, India: The results of an extensive study on tolerance levels in India over the past decade have been released by the Tolerant Society of India (TSI). The results turned out to be extremely positive and have pretty much established the fact that India is the epitome of tolerance in the world right now.

TSI began this study in October, 2005 and decided to publish the results earlier today after it became obvious to its research team that tolerance levels in the country couldn’t go any higher than what the current tolerance index indicated.

TSI’s study shows that on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being absolutely intolerant and 10 being absolutely tolerant, India scored a perfect 10. TSI has used a sophisticated brain-implant technology to arrive at its results. To conduct this extremely complex study in the fairest manner possible TSI employees were given brain implants in 2005. A small chip was implanted in their brains. This chip allegorically measured the level of tolerance in every person within a 100 meter radius of a TSI employee. This reading was then automatically saved on the organization’s Tolerance Index Map.

TNN correspondent Anshul spoke to Dr. Sahan Sheelta who was heading the project for its entirety. This is what she had to say regarding the findings of her team.

“I have always believed that my country is a tolerant country, despite evidence to the contrary. So when I approached the government in 2005 and asked them to help us fund this extensive study the government was more than willing to co-operate. We began our research in 2005 with the goal to one day end the debate on intolerance in India. Today we have achieved this goal. Our study emphatically proves that India is a land of tolerance. Even though there are no comparative studies from other countries to cite, I firmly believe that if TSI conducted similar studies across the world India would still remain at the top of the list of most tolerant nations in the world.”
- Dr. Sahan Sheelta, Program Manager, Tolerant Society of India.”

Following the media release of the results of this study, Indians have taken to the streets and are celebrating like there is no tomorrow, when in fact there is. The country has always believed that it has a tolerant society and that hundreds of communal riots since India obtained freedom from the British in 1947 prove absolutely nothing.

We spoke to some people who were celebrating by bursting colorful crackers outside a shelter for the elderly in New Delhi. This is what they had to say about the results of this study.

“We are out to celebrate today because our unflinching belief that we are a tolerant country has been proven right beyond doubt and beyond further discussion.”
- Toleram.
“I lost my legs during a communal riot a few years ago. But immediately after I was released from the hospital I decided to start a social media campaign. The campaign could have focused on ending intolerance in India but that would have been too controversial. So I decided to campaign for what is already a widely accepted belief in our society. Our campaign highlighted in bold and underlines that India is a tolerant country and that our tolerance levels should not be questioned under any circumstances.”
- Rant Rahim.

If these responses bring a smile to your tolerant faces then what Mr. Blind Faith, a tolerance activist, said about the recent Vladimir Khan incident will broaden your chest with patriotic fervor.

“We have been protesting against Mr. Khan’s intolerance remarks from our arm-chairs for well over a week now. As the results of this study became public I felt vindicated. Ours is a tolerant country and anybody who says it is intolerant can leave the country and go settle where making such remarks against the country are tolerated. All Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, Buddhists, Jews, Atheists, and other sections of the society who believe we are an intolerant country despite what this one study conducted by government funds suggests can leave our country. Such people should immediately start seeking asylum in Nepal, Pakistan, Rwanda, Kenya, Myanmar, Israel, and East Germany respectively. Others who support ridiculous issues such as non-vegetarianism, vegetarianism, and women’s empowerment can move to the jungles of Amazon, the jungles of Qatar, and Afghanistan respectively.”
- Blind Faith, arm-chair activist.

TNN correspondent Anshul and cameraman Debarun joined the celebrations outside the children’s hospital in Bangalore where joyful Indians were celebrating with loud music and profane chants.

“This is absolutely amazing. Despite the extremely high decibel levels here not a single person from the hospital has yet complained. This truly is a tolerant nation.”
- Anshul, Chief Correspondent, TNN.
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